Christians, Stop Apologizing For Hell

I've often told the story of the Bible verse that freed me from the wrong kind of apologetics. That is, the idea that if I explained the more difficult parts of the Bible in just the right way, or depicted them in just the right light, a skeptic or non-believer would accept those things in the Christian doctrine that are, even for many Christians, hard to accept. The verse was Genesis 38:7 - "But Er, Judah’s firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the Lord, and the Lord killed him."
A simple and unassuming verse. Unassuming except for the part where God kills a guy. But there it was, in plain black and white, with no footnote added, no theological context to remind the reader of God's sovereignty and right to give and take life, no information on the degree or manner of Er's wickedness to try and make God seem more justified in taking his life. It was simple: "The Lord killed him."

Somehow, this verse reminded me that God does not need a dullard like me to defend Him, explain Him, or try to make Him look right - He's God and He is above such requirements. He is above the need for human approval or justification; this is why Jesus tells the Pharisees who were indignant at the praise the people were giving to Him, "I tell you that if these should keep silent, the stones would immediately cry out" (Luke 19:40). I don't mean "defense" in the same sense as Peter does when he instructs us to give a defense for our faith - a reason we believe, a reason for the hope that is in us (1 Peter 3:15). I mean this in the sense that for years I thought my articulation and logic would lead people to Christ; and what I was essentially thinking was, the only way to God was through Christ, but the only way to Christ was through me and my awesome apologetics and speeches.

I think that as Christians we sometimes feel a need to explain certain parts of the Bible in a way to make them seem less abrasive, less uncomfortable. The doctrine of eternal damnation for non-believers is one of the hardest, saddest truths we face as believers in God's holy Word. No Christian should desire for anyone to go to hell, and that should therefore be one of the reasons we must strive to show love and share the good news of Christ before the Judgment: "And anyone not found written in the Book of Life was cast into the lake of fire" (Revelation 20:15). What kind of hatred could a believer have to not share the Gospel that leads to eternal life? Why would we want anyone to spend eternity without God's love and presence? That's what hell is, after all. The permanent absence of God is worse than the fire.

So, many times we find ourselves using this shopworn expression to try and explain God's actions as if they were wrong, or at least suspect. We say:
"God doesn't send people to hell - people choose to go to hell when they deny Him."

In essence, this is basically true. People choose to deny Christ, and in doing so mark themselves for eternity without Him. But when we say this, we gloss over the sovereignty of God. We try and sugarcoat the fact that, being an omnipotent and perfect Creator, He is the only Being with the right to save or to damn, to kill or to give life.
This morning I happened to be reading about the destruction of Jericho in the book of Joshua. A verse even more troubling that God's sudden destruction of Judah's wicked son made me groan and think, "Lord, You're not making this easy on me." The verse was: "And they utterly destroyed all that was in the city, both man and woman, young and old, ox and sheep and donkey, with the edge of the sword." This verse is not unique in the Old Testament, as many times in ancient Israel's various wars, this was standard protocol.

Yeah, I know.

But I don't need to apologize for God (and I'm not talking about the practice of apologetics). My God is sovereign and perfect, with the right to direct life and death for His Creations. I could go into detail about how, under the New Covenant of Jesus, God's wrath has been satisfied through His sacrifice on the cross. I could make winding and longwinded explanations about the Mosaic Law and how it's been fulfilled through Jesus, so there's no more need for stoning adulterers and adulteresses to death. I could use semantics and theological terms to explain why, if God's wrath was satisfied through Christ, there is still a hell and not everyone will go to heaven. But if I did so with the thought that it would lead a person to accept Him, I would only be fooling myself and, worse, trying to paint a picture of a God that I like, rather than accepting His sovereign judgments, no matter how difficult they may be to accept sometimes (many times).

Hell is a real place. I don't want anyone to go there, but I know they will. I would have thrown up had I seen the bloody destruction of Jericho. But if I want to accept God as He is - and He is perfect - I must accept that He has the divine right to ordain such gutwrenching things. And I must remember that He played by the rules you and I face, suffering on the cross the wrath shown to Jericho so that a New Covenant could be made, a peace could be made, that you and I would have the chance to know Him. And knowing Him, we know more than an angry God, but a God with such depth, mercy, kindness, and love, all of it wrapped in an unbreakable holiness: mercy, kindness, and love we often think is absent when we read of the things He did in ancient times - and will do at another foreordained time.

And, after all, who would want to lower themselves to only worship a god they can understand?

Christians, Discuss: Is Unrepentant Porn Addiction Grounds For Divorce?

In recent years, as porn has become more and more of an epidemic, the Church has made no bones about the destructiveness of pornography and its effects on the covenant of marriage, and has strove to educate and help those tangled in such addictions and backsliding. But one thing I seldom hear addressed is the adultery factor in such situations. Jesus says in Matthew chapter 5, when describing how sin begins in the heart, "I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart." He goes on to elaborate on the seriousness of the things that lead us to sin and the need for us to be rid of them: "If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell."

(Let it be noted that in some translations, the word "sin" is substituted or footnoted as "offend" or "stumble." I don't know how significant that is, but I want to be as precise as I can in such a complicated issue.)

We know that lust is essential in pornography. Each time we gaze at a man or woman in the throes of the glorification of what is against God's purpose for sex, we delight in that rebellion, and we lust. So I would feel safe to say that if a married person indulges in pornographic material, they're committing adultery. 

Jesus says in a short discourse on marriage and divorce in Matthew 19: "I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery." 

Here's where it's important for me to be precise again: in some translations, "sexual immorality" (which porn certainly is) is rendered: "fornication." We know that porn and the self-abuse of the Holy Spirit's temple (i.e. our bodies) are adultery and lust, but it's not the physical act of fornication. Or, is that what Jesus even means when He says "fornication?" Is He referring back to His words on lust being adultery, and that there is no difference, spiritually, between physically having sex with someone not your spouse, and delighting in watching the act on a computer?

The Spirit writes through the author of the book of Hebrews: "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4).

Unquestionably, the subject of grace and forgiveness must enter into any marriage. It's been said that the keys to a good marriage are to 1. repent well and 2. forgive well. But what if the spouse engaged in their destructive behavior remains unrepentant? What if they've failed to show fruits of repentance? We know that forgiveness is key in any relationship a Christian has, be it with their spouse, friends, family, strangers, their congregation. We're called to forgive and show mercy. But it's important to remember that forgiving someone doesn't:

- obligate you to trust the person who has hurt you.

- require you to minimize, make excuses for, or ignore their bad choices.

If we continually allow others to hurt us, we eventually become bitter and paranoid, rendering ourselves unable to show love or positive influence to others in Christ's name. Those around us who habitually hurt us can drag us down with their destructive behaviors, and leave us callous and uncaring. This undoubtedly affects our faith. In 1 Corinthians 15:33, Paul quotes an expression of his day: "Do not be deceived. Evil company corrupts good habits." Which brings us back to Jesus' words:

"And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell."

This brings us to God's instructions through Paul, also in 1 Corinthians. In chapter 5, Paul discusses the challenge of living godly lives in a world that does not agree with or believe in our values and standards, a world that even holds those views in contempt. Are Christians to avoid contact with non-believers, i.e. those "outside" Christ's Church? No, Paul says, for we would have to leave the world. We are called to be in the world, but not of the world; there must be a distinction between a man or woman of Christ and a man or woman of miscellany. To be "holy" is to be "set apart." Rather, Paul states that it is Christians, or those who are called Christians, who engage in unrepentant sin with which we are to have no association: "I wrote to you in my epistle not to keep company with sexually immoral people. Yet I certainly did not mean with the sexually immoral people of this world, or with the covetous, or extortioners, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world. But now I have written to you not to keep company with anyone named a brother, who is sexually immoral, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner - not even to eat with such a person. For what have I to do with judging those also who are outside? Do you not judge those who are inside? But those who are outside God judges. Therefore “put away from yourselves the evil person."

Does this associating with unrepentant Christians, and Biblical command against it, extend into the marriage? Especially if we know the unrepentant spouse's evil habits can corrupt the other's attempts to live a godly life?

There's also the question of how porn affects one's ability to show intimacy and affection to their spouse. The thing with porn is, it's fantasy for the viewer: they can have sex with, do anything with anyone they want, and still only be concerned with giving pleasure to themselves. In actual sex, one must be concerned with the sexual desires of the other person. Porn addiction renders this not a privilege that God has given to married couples, but a tiresome chore: the porn user is prone to become less interested in pleasing their spouse because it interferes with their fantasies. It's too difficult to please two people when your mind has become focused on pleasing only one's self. This is in contradiction to Biblical words to a husband and wife:

"Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control" (1 Corinthians 7:3-5).

However, Paul says next, "I say this as a concession, not as a commandment."

What does he mean? Which parts of the above are his "concession?" All of it? What is he "conceding?" Does it refer to his express desire that less Christians during the time were married? We know from reading his epistles that he found it a good idea to refrain from marriage - and therefore taking on the responsibilities of marriage - in a time when Christians were being slaughtered by Rome and other persecutors. Is that what he means? 

And later in the same chapter, "Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife." Further, referring to those who became Christians while already married, with the other spouse being still an unbeliever: "But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?"

What then? Do the latter four verses apply when the issue is unrepentant sexual immorality and not unbelief? 

The issue of divorce seems - at first - cut and dry to many of us when the problem is sexual immorality. But we know that marriage is discussed many times and in many ways, some of them complex, some of them to be taken at face value, under the New Covenant. And I should probably elaborate that when I say "New Covenant," I'm not exactly strictly referring to the New Testament, but to the commands and instructions that exist for those who have accepted Jesus as their Lord and Savior. I'm not negating the Old Testament - only emphasizing it be read in context with the entire Bible, a Book whose climax is the New Covenant under Jesus.

So, what do you Christians out there think? Is divorce an option for Christians when all attempts at getting the spouse to seek help for porn addiction have been exhausted? Are two Christians stuck with each other "'til death," even if one is capable of destroying the other's walk with God? Are permanent separations an option over legal divorce? Is there any difference between the two, Biblically? Are we focusing too much on semantics? What about the effects on children in the marriage?

What do you think when you read the Scripture? And, more importantly, do you begin your Scripture reading with prayer for discernment? That God would open your heart's understanding? That He would blow away any preconceived opinions you may have that may not be in line with His Word?

"Open my eyes, that I may see wondrous things from Your law.

I am a stranger in the earth; do not hide Your commandments from me.

My soul breaks with longing for Your judgments at all times."

-Psalm 119:18-20

"Tonight our bed is cold, lost in the darkness of our love

God have mercy on a man who doubts what he's sure of."

-Bruce Springsteen

3 Ignorant Things Christians Say About Jesus

My pastor is fond of calling it the Ricky Bobby syndrome: "I like to imagine Jesus as a mischievous badger"..."I like to imagine Jesus in a tuxedo t-shirt - it's like, I wanna be formal, but I'm here to party." And so too do we often try and mold our Lord to our liking; we say we love Him, and we may even mean it, but our fleshly hearts and minds often manipulate our perception of Him so that He betters fits our personal, political, or social agendas, making it easier to love Him. Three of the things most often cited as attributes of God, though not Biblically sound, include:

1. "Religion/lawyers/politicians/rich people killed Jesus!"
Roundabout 2012 there was a rather popular video on YouTube called "Why I Hate Religion But Love Jesus." It was a viral sensation, and was especially popular among those who like Jesus but also love to get hammered every other night and relish hating their exes for various offenses. It was also a popular share for non-Christians who felt they could use it to passive-aggressively spite their more obnoxious Christian friends. Many who touted the video's message had a bitter attitude about the notion that Jesus, though being rich in grace and mercy, could still disapprove of our sins and command us to repent, i.e., turn away from them: He says through Paul in Romans, "What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? Certainly not! How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it?"
When we imply that it was a conspiracy of rich religious leaders that led to Jesus' death, we make Him not the Son of God who came to save us from our sins, but some unwitting martyr. This is a grave mistake: Jesus was not led as a lamb to the slaughter by the will of men but by divine pre-ordination of His Father. He says in John, "Therefore My Father loves Me, because I lay down My life that I may take it again. No one takes it from Me, but I lay it down of Myself. I have power to lay it down, and I have power to take it again. This command I have received from My Father." And later, to Pilate, "You could have no power at all against Me unless it had been given you from above."

We mistake religion for rules - understandably so, as many of our own have portrayed it that way - therefore we think Jesus and rules are mutually exclusive, we mistake the Law He came to fulfill to mean rules that don't apply, rules, rules, rules. We think this because we find His commands are too far from our comfort zones. But He told us long ago, "Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it."

This is not to say Jesus is found or pleased through works. But He certainly desires for us to follow His commands, lovingly crafted and given for our own sake. Not so He will love us, but because He loves us. "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."

2. "Jesus was a rebel!"

Jesus was and is certainly a controversial and counter-cultural Figure, no matter what place in history one uses as context. No one who claims to be God is going to be without controversy. He indeed turned the world as it was known upside down. But we often distort this counter-cultural element, again to fit our own desires, into a character of sheer rebellion and in-your-face protest. "If Jesus were here, He'd tell [insert social enemy here] where they can stick their [insert policy here]!" "If Jesus were here, He'd be holding a protest sign with the rest of us at the [insert cause here] rally!" 

But this notion of a James Dean/Marlon Brando anti-establishment mouthpiece is Scripturally incorrect. He did not desire to be some voice of the disillusioned; He did not seek to be a trending socio-political hero. He often told those for whom He performed miracles and healings to tell no one about it, and even told His disciples on at least one occasion to "tell no one that He was the Christ" until He was glorified. He knew God's plan, that all of these things would be revealed and manifest to the world - He was not a publicity seeker for some grass-roots campaign. 

Matthew quotes the Messianic prophecy of Isaiah concerning Him: "He will not cry out, nor raise His voice, nor cause His voice to be heard in the street. A bruised reed He will not break, and smoking flax He will not quench; He will bring forth justice for truth. He will not fail nor be discouraged, till He has established justice in the earth; and the coastlands shall wait for His law." Jesus did not come into the world simply to be a noisy inconvenience to the Pharisees, the establishment, and "the man," whoever that may be. His truth would shine forth throughout the world, by the glory of God, through His disciples given the task to proclaim that truth, but this proclamation did not come from the lusty cries of self-proclaimed rebels.

3. "God is Love!"

Being that God is such a complex and ominous God (why should we lower ourselves to worship only a god we can understand?), many of us try to do one of two things with our claims about Him: we either complicate Him with winding and lofty theological diatribes, or we oversimplify Him. The former can be confusing and a hindrance to the walk of believers - especially new believers - while the latter is just as dangerous in that it attempts to cram a mighty Savior into a compact box with attractive wrapping. Much like when we claim "Jesus hates religion," we try to compress Him into one characteristic like love because our flesh is weak and we can't accept that there are difficult and agonizing tasks He has given us to do; tasks that are not world-friendly, tasks that won't make us popular with progressive or conservative dogmatic in-crowds, tasks that kick down our boundaries and invade our comfort zones. By dumbing down the idea of God to simply "love," we not only impress those around us with our perceived compassion, but we free ourselves from duties that make ourselves and others uncomfortable, justified by the battle cry "but I have love!"
1 John is a book that stresses the importance of love in the Christian's walk; and indeed 1 John 4:8 says explicitly, "God is love.," But this does not mean love is His sole attribute, and it certainly doesn't mean God is merely the concept of love. Rather, He is the Source, Cause, and Creator of all pure forms of love. 

The truth is, Jesus, being God, is far too big to fit into our poorly constructed boxes, made by we who see only through a dim glass: He is not a hippie, a socialist, a conservative, a rebel, a moralist, a pacifist, right-wing, left-wing, Libertarian. He is God, and though He is complex and mysterious He so greatly desired a relationship with us limited human beings that He came to Earth in the flesh, to suffer as we do, to give Himself for our sins, so that we may abandon our worldly gods and have a relationship with Him - a personal relationship with a God whose attributes are unfathomable and who - unfathomably - wants to embrace and save such ignorant people as you and me.

The Privilege of Sorrow: A Conversation With God About Suicide

Recently I wrote to someone, "hold onto your sorrows. Treasure them. Not the debilitating stuff, the depression, but the grief that moves you to help someone, to change something, to keep something, to relate to a friend you cherish or even a stranger you despise. Grief is good."
The Bible agrees: "Sorrow is better than laughter, for by a sad countenance the heart is made better" (Ecclesiastes 7:3).

Good advice as it may have been, it was obscenely hypocritical to come from me that one's sorrows must be used for good - for much of this year (2018) I've consciously and desperately wanted to die.

Blanket statements about mental health issues are a great hindrance to proper mental health education. One of those blanket statements is "suicide is selfish." However, I've seen this combated by another blanket statement: "suicide is not selfish - the person just wants the pain to end." What people making these ignorant statements don't realize is that both can be true: in my case, my desire for death stems from not only grief, but also from self-pity, vanity, and cowardice. I don't speak for anyone else's desire for death, but in my case, my desire to die is partly selfish. The lesson here being, for all you keyboard counselors who think a shared social media post is proper mental health education, it's counterproductive to try and fight one ignorant generalization with another.

Job wails in the book bearing his name, "My days have passed, my plans are shattered. Yet the desires of my heart turn night into day; in the face of the darkness light is near. If the only home I hope for is the grave, if I spread out my bed in the realm of darkness, if I say to corruption, 'You are my father,' and to the worm, 'My mother' or 'My sister,' where then is my hope - who can see any hope for me? Will it go down to the gates of death? Will we descend together into the dust?" 

And so my heart has felt for much of the past ten months.

Today I found out a friend of mine is slowly killing herself with drugs. It saddened me to dizziness. Sorrow that literally makes you dizzy, hurts you physically, is a strangely noble feeling; you feel like you're doing right simply by being sad, simply by the fact that you feel enough for another living person that their pain gives you pain (maybe a bit self-righteous, but still slightly noble).
I prayed to God that He would save her life. "Please don't let her die," I prayed. Sometimes, though we wait for and yearn for Him to speak to us, it can be a frightening blow to one's ego and self-assuredness when God answers us.

The Holy Spirit replied (not audibly, but you know what I mean), "From where did you gather the gall to ask Me to lead someone to life? Do you not pray to Me to take you away? To let you fade away and die? To be shot down by some mass shooter's bullet so your friends will hate themselves for 'forgetting you?'"

"I know," I replied sheepishly (not audibly, but you know what I mean), "but I want her to live. Just because I don't want to live doesn't mean she shouldn't want to live."

"For what? One of the things about which you cry to Me is the hideousness of the world: the idolatry, the violence, the depravity, the apathy. All of these things you to mention to Me when you ask Me to take you out of it. Why, then, do you want her to stay and suffer through it while you're taken to Abraham's Bosom?"

There's no sense in lying to God or using lawyer language to evade His questions. So I had to be honest and answer, "because I'm selfish. Because I'm a coward. I don't have the strength to fight anymore. I don't have the strength to do this. I can't beat it. I can't beat the awful things I think and do."

"I've beaten them for you. You tell others about it all the time, about the cross at Golgotha. You've no ignorance of My blood spilled, My body broken for you. You know that you were buried with Me in death and raised with Me in resurrection. I told you beforehand: 'In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer - I have overcome the world.'"

"I'm too far gone, Lord. I'm of no use anymore. I've rendered myself useless."

"Who are you to tell Me what use you are? Was it not I who formed you, who fashioned your days, who numbered them when there were none? Am I not the One who has given you a purpose? Did I put you here by accident? Did I put you here to die? Is this your great commission - to pray for death?"

"No, Lord. 'When there was no ear to hear, You sang to me.'"

"Remember, I told you: 'Most assuredly, I say to you that you will weep and lament, but the world will rejoice; and you will be sorrowful, but your sorrow will be turned into joy. A woman, when she is in labor, has sorrow because her hour has come; but as soon as she has given birth to the child, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world. Therefore you now have sorrow; but I will see you again and your heart will rejoice, and your joy no one will take from you.'"

Chris Cook - "Wrestling God"

I had no response. My argument was crushed. God continued,

"You wrote to others to use their sorrow for good. You say well. But beware of hypocrisy; I do not desire hypocrisy for you - you cannot tell these things to others while you yourself crawl under the earth. You cannot encourage others in the abundant life I give while you yourself wallow in death and misery. You cannot tell others how I save while you yourself long for the crematorium."

I felt a peace wash over me as God continued - again, not audibly, but you know what I mean,

"Choose life and you will have the right to pray that your friend will do the same. You were grateful to feel sorrow for her. To feel sorrow for her means you have love for her. There are many wicked people who feel nothing for those like her. Be glad you have a heart so heavy. The devil comes only to steal, kill and destroy. I have come that you may have life, and have it more abundantly."

And so it was that I learned it's a privilege to feel sorrow. It's a privilege to be alive and to hurt for others in pain. That's what those feelings that break our hearts are - they're life. Without them we'd be catatonic creatures, an argument in favor of the lie that we're an accidental cosmic sneeze that became slime that became walking corpses in suits.

I thank God I'm alive. And I thank God for my sorrow.

Our Names on the Palms of God's Hands

The book I'm writing takes place mostly in prison. While doing some research, I was making notes about the electric chair and, forgetting the existence of paper, scribbled on my hand the name of the most recent person in the US to be executed via electrocution: Robert Gleason. Seeing this killer's name on the palm of my hand reminded me of God's words to wayward Israel in Isaiah 49:16: "I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands." This vicious criminal's name on my hand reminded me that the names of you and me, who have done atrocious things against God, were inscribed in His palms by the nails on the cross: He paid for our crimes via capital punishment, though being innocent, and remembers each of our names, "inscribed on the palms of His hands." 

Cigarettes For the Under-Privileged

Remember back in the olden days when a fella was executed by firing squad? It was often customary for the officer conducting the execution to give the condemned prisoner a last drag of a cigarette. It was an oddly humane final act of compassion before the blindfolded prisoner was shot.
This is why I, despite not being a smoker myself, carry a pack of cigarettes with me when I'm downtown or riding the bus. In my city, those are two places where many homeless and impoverished people congregate. And nine days out of ten, somebody will ask me if they can bum a smoke. I always felt bad that I had none to give - they always seem so hopeful that someone has a cigarette. I'm sure you've been in this situation too. It's strange - instead of asking for a sandwich, it's almost always a cigarette. I believe it's because the underprivileged have a sense of their doom. They know they're dying, with no help from you and me (taking pictures of them for social media "statements" about class division doesn't count, unless you then sold your camera to buy a meal or a jacket for the unwitting subject of your art).
So, since you and I conduct this firing squad, this execution by apathy and lip-service, it's among the least we can do to keep a pack of smokes when we're in the more disadvantaged areas of our cities. Where they're not concerned with the repeal of the net neutrality because they can't afford their medication, where there's no "white privilege" because it's been eaten to stay alive, where the ramblings and shoutings of the unshowered aren't covered by our cushy mental health awareness hashtags.
I carry Pall Malls myself (menthols usually). I've noticed Newports are another popular brand among the bus station regulars. It's a good idea to carry a lighter or a pack of matches, too. And while you're at it, maybe packs of peanut butter cheese crackers. Or even a twenty so you and this stranger can have lunch - last meals are customary before executions, too.

Booger Treasures

My pastor once used the word “boogers” during a sermon. I hate the word boogers. It invokes gross, appetite-killing imagery. He used it in describing his home: it was once a clean place, but three young sons later, he and his wife, outnumbered by three young hooligans, are losing the battle to keep their house tidy. This includes, my pastor explained, their youngest son's “booger wall” – the wall on which he wipes his nose goblins.
...ew.
My pastor described this behavior in making the point that it's not our homes, our houses, a family cherishes, but rather the people in them. The walls of a home can be soiled with mucous, but it's the love for those in the home that should be most important. I bring this up to say that the word of God, messages of truth, can make even a word like boogers, which causes me to shrivel up inside, a tool in crafting a beautiful message of edification like my pastor gave that Sunday.
In my experience I've found the same is true for depressing, hard, gritty things. Things hard to take, things hard to think about.

In Colorado in the 1930s, Joe Arridy, a man with an IQ of 46, was wrongfully convicted of murder, despite overwhelming evidence of his innocence. The warden of the prison, out of some odd pity or guilt or both, gave Mr. Arridy a toy train. Like a child, Mr. Arridy treasured it. He was executed in the gas chamber in 1939, apparently unaware he was going to die until the end. When he was told he had to give up his train, Mr. Arridy thoughtfully gave it to Angelo Agnes, a black inmate he'd befriended (who would later be executed as well).
Maybe I'm reading too much into the latter, but Joe Arridy's childish mind made him blissfully unaware of the fact that in 1939, white people just didn't give away their things to black people. It made him unaware of any sort of biases and walls and barriers we build between one another. I wish I was dumb enough and naive enough to give more without thinking, to love more without cramming that love through some intellectual filter that makes me rethink it and remove the selflessness of Christ from it.

I even wish I was too dumb to fear death.

Do you see all the beautiful things I got from that depressing story? Much like my pastor's message was not mired by snot, there is an abundance of truth waiting to be found in the shadows of such stories as that of Joe Arridy's.

I just can't get any joy from “Ferret Learns To Rollerskate! Click Here!” I've no interest in Chicken Soup For the Soul, All Creatures Great and Small, or any of those Dalai Lama quote books.
It's in the darkest places that light does the most good.
“You, who have shown me great and severe troubles, shall revive me again and bring me up again from the depths of the earth.” -Psalm 71:20

Note: Joe Arridy received a posthumous pardon in 2011. His tombstone in Canon City, Colorado reads, Here Lies An Innocent Man.

Where Was God?

God has watched innocent men dangle from trees because of the color of their skin. God has watched frightened runaways be tortured, raped, and killed. God has watched old men and old women lonesome beyond lonesome weep in dusty rooms, their faces tight and worn with age, so seemingly dry that we think it’s impossible for tears to be made. God has watched nations crumble under regimes of murderous corruption. When we were in the room with a dying patient, awkward with sadness or discomfort, God has always been the One in the room who watched more deeply than we ever could, who felt more deeply than we could fathom.

“Where was God in all this misery?”

God was at the dangling, kicking feet of the hanged man. God was at the side of the men in
Chechnya forced to sit on bottles in a concentration camp. God was in the derelict shack in Greenville, Illinois with the helpless runaway and her killer. God was in the lonely room with the elderly widow. God was moving about the nations, present where bodies were piled up for mass graves, at the palace stairs when one evil regime overthrew another. God was counting the tears in the eyes, the hairs on the heads, the ounces of excruciating pain in the hearts. God grieved in anger and in sorrow at the lies we told ourselves about the color of skin, the twisted lust of the deviant who killed the runaway, the able bodied men who never visited the widow in her dreary post, the power-hungry madmen who trampled the poor. God must have been at every one of those nightmarish places, because He does not forsake His own word – “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15). The Gospel is one not only of salvation, but of suffering; Christ will not turn away from His own Gospel, as He is the same Christ who cried out, as He Himself was unjustly murdered, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?”

Without suffering, this world as we’ve made it would be incomplete, as it’s what we do best – we make one another pay for our sins. And without suffering, without the One who truly paid the debts of our sins on the cross, no atrocity, injustice, or lie could ever be made right, ever be forgiven, ever be driven away by Light that darkness cannot comprehend, either on this earth, or in the eternity to come. God watched His only Son, holy and blameless, mutilated upon a cross. He did not intervene, He did not save Him. He let this ugly, gory thing happen so that you and I, unholy and to blame for making one another suffer so miserably, could be holy, could be restored, redeemed, and given the strength and the light to do good and beautiful things in His name – millions of little candles in a world of mammoth darkness.

I think one of the reasons that the book of Job is the book in the Bible to which many atheists and doubters gravitate is its naked and honest outcry against the horrors of life, as well as the horrors of people, while waiting for God to deliver swift punishment and justice that doesn’t seem like it’s ever going to come. Job wails,
“Some remove landmarks; 
they seize flocks violently and feed on them; 
they drive away the donkey of the fatherless; 
they take the widow’s ox as a pledge. 
They push the needy off the road; 
all the poor of the land are forced to hide. 
Indeed, like wild donkeys in the desert, 
they go out to their work, searching for food. 
The wilderness yields food for them 
and for their children. 
They gather their fodder in the field 
and glean in the vineyard of the wicked. 
They spend the night naked, without clothing, 
and have no covering in the cold. 
They are wet with the showers of the mountains, 
and huddle around the rock for want of shelter.
Some snatch the fatherless from the breast, 
and take a pledge from the poor. 
They cause the poor to go naked, without clothing; 
and they take away the sheaves from the hungry. 
They press out oil within their walls, 
and tread winepresses, yet suffer thirst. 
The dying groan in the city, 
and the souls of the wounded cry out; 
yet God does not charge them with wrong.”

We see hideous injustices in the world, we see those who perpetrate them go free, and we cry out, “Isn’t someone going to be punished for this?” But Someone was punished for the world’s sins – Jesus Christ, on a cross at Calvary. The Scriptures tells us, “For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him” (2 Corinthians 5:21). And Jesus, being God in flesh, could not break His New Covenant and “save Himself,” as those mocking from the ground challenged Him to do. Thus in His flesh, He died as flesh, as sin has no part with God. And having forsaken His Son, God allowed the wrath of sin to fall on Him so that you and I would not know it. Sin has no part with God, but because He who knew no sin “became sin for us,” you and I, sinners, can now have communion with God, in grace and holiness. Sin has no part with God, but our salvation depended on Him.
We muse bitterly that there’s simply no justice left in the world. But the truth is, that it was Jesus who absorbed the punishment of the iniquity of the world – those who believe in Him, in the atonement He provided upon that instrument of execution, have had their own part in the injustices of the world, no matter how big or small in their eyes, cleansed from them. Not only this, but they’ve been given the duty to strive for what is right, to fight against what is wrong, in a world that even God firmly proclaims in His word is evil, and needed a Savior.

Those who don’t believe not only cast away from themselves the forgiveness of their own wrongs, but they refuse to accept their punishment taken by Jesus Christ, refuse to embrace the gift He offers to live life anew. And so, that gift is ignored, dismissed as fiction and superstition, and another life in the world, another part of the world, slips further into apathy, and believes the lie that wrong cannot be made right.


-from Sheep Named Spike by Cpt. Bud Sturguess

When the Nobodies Die

I've been in psychiatric treatment for eighteen years this August - over half my life. I've been hospitalized in mental health facilities over a dozen times; on January 8, 2006 I attempted suicide and failed; four of the six medications I'm prescribed are psychiatric drugs; I feel I'm qualified to talk about mental illness.

I wish that the world would mourn so strongly when anyone, not just a celebrity, no matter how beloved, dies in the throes of depression. We're all beloved in God's eyes. Even if TMZ and CNN don't know our names, He does. I wish we mourned as openly and as deeply for Mary in Jonesboro, for Henry in Marseilles, for Nora in Manila - not only if they took their own lives in despair, but if they live with tears and hunger. Why shouldn't I also Tweet and wear a black armband for an "unknown" O.D. victim? Why should we reserve our loudest calls for mental health funding for when a beloved and well-known figure takes their life?

How many lives could be saved if we stopped reserving our tears for only the most stunning tragedies, and gave them to everyone with a broken heart? And how many more would be encouraged if we just as openly celebrated the return of their hope, once lost in darkness?

"Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep." -Romans 12:15

Religion & Bondage

Sometimes I get a slap on the wrist from other Christians if I call my faith "my religion." As the expression goes which we often repeat, "it's not a religion - it's a relationship with Christ." That's the absolute truth. All human rituals and superstitions are dissolved by Christ's sacrifice on the cross and we can have a personal relationship with God the Father through Him and His atoning death and resurrection. And, I suppose another reason Christians don't like for Christianity to be called a religion is due to the world's habit of lumping all beliefs in all deities of any kind or source into one big hasty pile called "religion." God is holy, a word meaning set apart; I can certainly understand, in that respect, why my brothers and sisters in Christ may wince at our faith being added to the pile of religion.

But for me personally, I hope to be religious in the most literal and spiritual sense. The word religion means "bondage." I yearn to be, as Paul was called, "a bondservant of Christ." I want to be fettered to Him with chains I couldn't break if I tried - and I do try, all day and all night sometimes, to break "the ties that bind" Him to me. My natural self craves things harmful to me and others, and harmful to my relationship with God; so my flesh claws at the chains that keep me attached to Jesus. And though it is an "easy yoke, a light burden," He strengthens the shackles for my own good.

I want to be a slave of Jesus Christ, my heart fettered to His.

Thank God for these bonds! The fleshly, worldly mind would object, "I don't want to be a slave! I want to have freedom in my own thoughts, my own desires! What about what I want?"
I'm scared to death of my own thoughts and desires. I'm such a rotten and wretched man without Christ and His Scripture that any thought or deed I've done apart from Him, anything I've done or said in which I had to run from Him with an unsteady, shackled trot, has been selfish, greedy, lustful, bitter, hateful, bigoted, racist, arrogant. All the things Christ despises, all the things He died to cleanse me from. My imagination is one of my worst enemies.

When humankind is left to its own devices, we come up with the most miserable and vile things we can imagine. We murder, rape, torture, bicker, hate, fight, covet, exploit, abuse, turn a blind eye to injustice and want, indulge in the safety of ignorance, and find a hollow solace in the thought that we're following our own course, the course of human history, governed by humankind's own majestic imagination.

I don't want that. The rest of the world can have its freedom, but I want to find my liberty and peace on the narrow way described by Jesus. It's not fun - it's gritty, it's painful, it's boring, it invites criticism and humiliation. But I would desperately rather be a slave to what is good than a free subject of sin, leaving a wake of hurt and despair wherever I roam.

The most frightening thing God can to do someone is to let them have what they want.

Lord, chain me to Your heart!

Amarillo City Transit Blues / My Homeless Future?

I have a thought. It's not a vision, and I'm not yet convinced enough to call it a revelation. It's just a thought, albeit a heavy one that hasn't left me since the day it first came. The thought is that someday, somehow, I will lose my disability benefits, my Medicare, my medications, my apartment, and will eventually become a mentally ill homeless man. Just like the kind you see all over the city.

If my thought ever comes true, and I become a crazy derelict, if I ever join that unwanted street parade, a walking, breathing city ordinance violation, have some patience and salt toward me.
There's a man who rides my bus - we'll call him "Chad" - he lifts up his t-shirt, talks to his chest and feet, looks up and waves goodbye to someone only he can see, and talks almost non-stop to who I can only assume is the same phantom to whom he bids farewell. Chad makes any newbies who may happen to be on the bus uncomfortable, especially when he flicks on his lighter and holds it dangerously close to his palm. Every time he gets off the bus at his stop near the resource center downtown, I sigh like every living feeling I've ever had is coming out of me. I've been tense the whole bus ride, worried Chad is going to burn himself or the contents of his garbage bag, tense because of the tenseness of the other passengers, fear that one of them will say something stupid and cause a situation, and hopeless knowing there's nothing I can do for him.

I believe that a little over half of my own generation (myself included) is made up of self-righteous dilettantes whose world views are based eighty percent on sentiment and anger, with only fifteen percent rooted in experience (the other five percent is a mixture of statistics and faulty math). I know I sound like every old person ever, but that's just how I feel. My feelings aren't rooted in some bitter notion I've inherited or been taught by former generations who were just as smug and self-assured; my feelings are rooted in one simple thing: the bus. The Amarillo City Transit, a combination VFW meeting, social worker's waiting room, Pentecostal church, underfunded mental hospital, and racist clubhouse on wheels. Riding the bus has opened my eyes to how entitled I am, how oblivious I am to the struggles of the world - they're very different when you see them up close, not through the lenses of memes and Facebook posts. If you ride the bus enough, you'll encounter many people who will humble you and make you feel downright ashamed for buying a $6 latte that morning instead of giving $6 to the High Plains Food Bank - just once, that morning. Maybe twice a week, $12 to the High Plains Food Bank. Maybe Wednesdays and Thursdays you can drink the nasty stuff they have at work instead.
Shame is not of the Holy Spirit, but humility is. If you spend enough time with people who have little, you'll realize that your zealous protest of the FCC's repeal of net neutrality is the stuff of outer space down there in the real world. I'm sorry you may have to pay $15 extra to your internet service provider for the social media package, or $20 extra for the porn package. But try telling that to the guy sitting across from you on the Amarillo City Transit, the most alert and coherent among them. He'll tell you he's got gangrene in his leg, $8 to his name until next month, needs new glasses, and he's been out all day looking for enough cigarette butts to make him feel like he smoked a whole one.

I feel guilty. I feel sinful for having a well-fed gut, a smart phone, clean socks, and an mp3 player that keeps me from hearing this guy's life story, or hearing what Chad is saying to the specter only he can see. If you're reading this and you're chubby like me, you can feel the way you want about your weight - this isn't some decree about overweight people, except for myself - but I don't feel good about my weight. Not because I think I'm unattractive, or because I'm in any poor physical health, but because there are people I encounter on the bus who haven't eaten since the day before yesterday. It just seems wrong that I'm fat in their presence. I'm no socialist, but it just doesn't seem right, and it embarrasses me every time I step on board the miserable mystery tour.

But, having said that, I ask of you one thing: if and when I become dissociated and dirty beyond recognition, when you see me and begin to feel uncomfortable, whether you recognize me or not, please don't inflict upon yourself the same self-loathing and guilt as I have. Again, shame is not a fruit of the Spirit. Keep your heart open to conviction from God, whether He tells you to give me a $5 bill or not, whether He tells you to buy me some socks, or to use that money to help someone else, or even to use it for that morning latte. It's no sin. Pay attention to convictions, delight and be glad that He convicts you, but remember God does not want us to hate ourselves, even if, like me, we've warped ourselves into thinking it's a "righteous" self-hatred, some pretentious morally heroic stance. Hate is hate, and it's wrong for me to despise myself because I have something someone else doesn't.

One's blessings only become gluttony when they're not shared or used for good. But this must be action and not mere sentiment, like a rich rock star pleading with those on whom he relies to buy his albums to "imagine no possessions."

Most people who know me know I hate "Mental Health Awareness Month," which is May. I hate it because it doesn't do enough to show what mental illness really looks like, the depths these sicknesses truly reach. Social media takes on the job of promoting "mental health awareness," showing black and white Instagram pictures of a girl (or angel/fairy wearing a black corset for some reason) looking sad with the generic caption that "not all scars can be seen" or some other such easy cliches. What you're not going to see during Mental Health Awareness Month is people like Chad, his shirt rolled up, talking to no one, his teeth broken, face unwashed, legs covered in scabs. That's not romantic. That's not quirky. And that's what Mental Health Awareness Month is about. Maybe it wasn't intended that way, but that's what social media and compulsively shared posts have made it.
If you want to leave your ideological bunker, if you want to see what mental illness looks like, if you want to be as aware of mental illness as you can get without a trip to Big Spring State Hospital, that rotten place I hope burns to the ground someday, go downtown and spend some time on the bus. Try to talk to the woman who wears a plastic garbage bag as if it were a scarf, who eyes everyone and curses them before she pulls the cord to get off at a random stop. Try to cram her into some feminist/socialist/liberal/conservative/capitalist box and see how well she fits. Try to put her in line with your talking points and the hashtags and catch-phrases you learned from your news feed. She won't fit as well as if you try to fit her face over yours in the mirror. You could be her someday; someone has to take her place in the street parade.

My favorite Bible verse is John 21:18, in which Jesus tells Peter that he'll someday be martyred for his faith: "Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go." This verse gives me such strange comfort in its surety of suffering. I keep this verse in mind when I feel any hardship coming, whether it be personal heartbreak or the disaster that awaits the Texas panhandle this summer if the current drought continues. I know God promises me I'll suffer, but that nothing He allows is for no reason, nothing is in the random, and He will strengthen, refine, and ordain me as a herald of His Son, in any situation, no matter how bleak and ugly. And I know that I can't stop it; it's as if it were already a memory, and that I must take my part in it.
Someday I may be clothed by another, a clueless teenage kid handing out faded t-shirts from the Salvation Army at the park, instead of Walmart's finest Oxford button-down shirts that I'm accustomed to; carried where I do not want to go, by exhaustion and numbness, to my night's home on the sidewalk on 6th avenue, outside the empty bar that used to be Sassy's.

If that happens, don't be ashamed to stare, so you'll be truly aware of what mental illness looks like, and what it does because of what we don't do; and if you can't help, don't hate yourself for it - if I'm destined for the street parade, and you for the comfort of a roof and a bed, it's been ordained by a far wiser Power than you or me.

"The world is nothing more than all the tiny things you've left behind."

PS If this ever comes true, and you see me loitering somewhere, please don't snap a picture to post with some sociopolitical analysis about class division and the one percent or whoever else you're blaming for my plight - instead, sell your camera and use the money to feed me, clothe me, or buy my medicine.

Poem: "Novelty"

The cops ditch their cusses
in trash cans behind the house
so they don't mess up their case
Somebody reads the news and
cringes every way you can
Others read it and puke air and jokes
Novelty
Like a hula girl on a dashboard
a window decal of a cartoon t-rex
eating a stick figure family
It's a novelty story -
"Dog Drives Car"
"Elvis Dead at 42"
"Stain Shaped Like Virgin Mary"
It's a novelty story
Forget about it Goodnight

Inspiration:

http://mountpleasant.dailyvoice.com/news/case-of-incest-leads-to-four-deaths-one-in-hudson-valley/735660/

http://www.heraldcourier.com/news/national/connecticut-killer-in-incest-case-alerted-daughter-s-adoptive-family/article_47411199-4535-5f43-9473-abc5db16e926.html

The King's Signature

"St. Wolfgang and the Devil" by Michael Pacher

In 1990, a bill was approved by the Belgian Parliament that would legalize abortion. The king at the time, King Baudouin, morally opposed the bill. But as with most monarchies in modern times, a king or queen's approval is basically formality with little or no consequence. So, given his firm stance against abortion, and not having the power to simply quash the proposed legislation, King Baudouin asked the government to declare him "unable to govern" for twenty-four hours so that he'd have no part in the bill and would not have to sign it, though his signature would have only been formality.

King Baudouin's integrity made me think of how we as Christians should avoid evil even in its "formalities," so to speak - the king so despised what he felt to be wrong that he gave up his powers, however limited and formal, to avoid even putting pen to the paper that represented it. 

I wish I had those kinds of guts. I wish I could stand so firmly in my convictions that I refuse to be linked to evil even in a form so small as my signature: "Do you not know that a little leaven leavens the whole lump?"

"Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Whoever therefore wants to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God." -James 4:4

Anti Gun Control Arguments Addressed By Rambling Mental Patient With No GED

Unfortunately, many people address the gun issue as if there are only two sides, two extremes: those whose view of guns makes them Amish, and those whose love of guns makes them Ted Nugent. Many speak and react to these arguments as if there is no in-between, and that's one of the factors that leads to words without reason, discussion that turns to strife and argument rather than dialogue. I believe you should be able to own a gun, but I also believe the gun should not be the ungodly idol we've made it; when we have idols, we can't see the good and the bad in them. A gun should be seen as a tool, but a weapon in only extreme cases of self-defense or lawful, sanctioned warfare. 

Its owners should not appoint themselves as God with the right to take life in just any circumstance, or even take humankind's laws into their own hands. The gun must not be worshiped. 

Here are a few (what I hope are) reasonable rebuttals to many who do just that.

"Abortions kill 730,000 a year! Guns only kill 15,000!"
I'm against abortion, but I know that it's impossible for a woman to enter a school and abort twenty-six people in less than five minutes. The two are completely different and must be looked at and assessed differently. Social media posts using the "other things kill people too" argument also use cancer deaths, suicide rates, car accidents, and drug overdoses, comparing the numbers with those of gun deaths, and implying that gun violence should not be such a concern because abortion deaths are higher in numbers. 

This is flawed logic, and an example of "whataboutism." By this argument's own admission, cancer isn't as serious as abortion because there are fewer cancer deaths than abortions; likewise, suicide shouldn't be such a concern because there are less suicides than cancer deaths, at least according to the skewed use of such numbers.
One such post used the Bath School Disaster as its example; in 1927, a madman named Andrew Kehoe blew up a school in Bath Township, Michigan, killing a total of 44 people (38 of them children) and injuring at least 50 more; "not one gun was used!" the image boasted, thereby implying that, because people can use other things than guns to kill people, gun control must be nonsense. But, in 2017, Stephen Paddock used guns to kill 58 people and injure hundreds in Las Vegas. So, by the above logic, Paddock's rampage via gun somehow negates Kehoe's murders via dynamite, again making guns a more serious issue than bombs, and proving gun control is not nonsense.
Of course, that's a flawed way to look at the situation; each tragedy by any means must be looked at in its own context, its own circumstances, its environment and surroundings, etc. They should not be compared to other unrelated tragedies - like car accidents - as ways to dodge the issue.

"This isn't a gun issue - it's a mental health issue!"
Mental illness is absolutely a serious and poorly addressed issue in the United States. But, before you shift the blame to bad mental healthcare, don't use your vote and voice to endorse politicians or parties whose budgets slash mental health funding, as was done by President Trump just last month. And, unfortunately, many politicians whose voting records reflect this are also politicians whose voices for 2nd amendment rights are loud clear; perhaps if those voices were just as loud for better mental health funding, things would be different.

"It's violent video games!"
In 1949 in Camden, New Jersey, Howard Unruh shot and killed a dozen people; in 1966 in Austin, Texas, Charles Whitman shot nearly 50 people. Both rampages were pre-GTA. Both rampages were even pre-Pong. 

"It's violent movies and TV!"
Unless Charles Whitman was motivated by a particularly bloody episode of The Dick Van Dyke Show, this makes as much sense as the video game argument.

image by Donna Grethen

"The Founding Fathers would want us to have guns!"
I'm sure they would. Even I want people to be "allowed to have guns." But in Washington's day, it took several minutes to load and fire a single shot from a musket. These men would not be impressed with an AK-47 or an AR-15 - they would be scared out of their minds. Thomas Jefferson would have wet his pantaloons at the blast of a semi-automatic rifle, while Paul Revere would have cried, "'Tis witchcraft! Everyone flee!" (As long as we're imposing what we insist the Founding Fathers "would have" done or said, based on our own various beliefs.)


"It's disrespectful to the victims if we politicize shootings!"
That's not quite the mindset every time a Muslim fanatic drives a car into a crowd of people. Incidents like that become an instant source of argument for stricter immigration laws. We also don't mind "politicizing" the issue of abortion. (But, I suppose that's a bit of whataboutism, which always puts any health discussion to a grinding halt.) Also, the issue of gun control is not a political issue, at least until it becomes distorted into one by politicians. A political issue is a proposed railroad tariff or a trade deal with Portugal. Public safety, ignorance, and murder are human issues, dehumanized when canned rhetoric from politicians makes the victims an afterthought and all logic and reason follows.
If I die of something completely preventable, you have my permission to "politicize" it if your voice and actions could prevent it from happening to someone else.

"We don't blame the knife when someone is stabbed to death, so why blame the gun?"
I don't know any gun law reformers who "blame the gun." The words "blaming the gun" don't apply to the majority of people who are zealous for new gun laws. What they "blame" is the irresponsibility, negligence, and sheer foolishness that has allowed such weapons to be used in these killings.

"What about my hunting rights?"
Weapons like ones used by modern infantry or in the Rambo sequels shouldn't figure into a "hunter's" argument, unless the game they're hunting is a giant mutant deer high on PCP.

"Arm the teachers! Arm the citizens!"
Having a gun does not make a human being any less prone to error, bad judgment, bad aim, mental illness (since that's the true issue here, remember?), or just generally being an evil person, and it certainly doesn't make them a hero. In fact, the armed resource officer at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida didn't even enter the school for several minutes during the shooting. He resigned his position afterward. "All it takes to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun!" Unless that "good guy" is, like I would have been in the situation, incompetent and scared.

(Edit, 5-28-22: This past week's massacre of 19 children at Robb Elementary in Uvalde, Texas saw 19 police officers inside the school fail to stop the shooter for 45 minutes before he was finally killed. In fact, a young girl inside the school called 9-1-1 several times, despite officials being just outside and apparently doing little to nothing to stop the shooter.)

"Then we won't arm people with criminal records!"
Many of the deadliest or most notorious mass shooters in United States history have had no criminal record. If they did, many of them were minor or misdemeanor offenses. This includes the aforementioned Unruh and Whitman, as well as James Huberty (shot and killed 21 people at a San Ysidro, California McDonald's restaurant in 1984), Patrick Sherrill (shot and killed 14 coworkers at a post office in Edmond, Oklahoma in 1986), George Hennard (shot and killed 23 people at Luby's cafeteria in Killeen, Texas in 1991), Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold (shot and killed 13 people at Columbine High School in Colorado in 1999), Seung-Hui Cho (shot and killed 32 people at Virginia Tech in Blacksburg, Virginia in 2007), Nidal Hasan (shot and killed 13 people at Fort Hood, Texas in 2009), James Holmes (shot and killed 12 people at a movie theater in Aurora, Colorado in 2012), and Adam Lanza (shot and killed 26 people at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut).
Lindsay Lohan has a longer rap sheet than all of these men combined.
(EDIT, 3-7-18: It is worth noting, however, that Huberty and Whitman had histories of domestic violence; Huberty's wife even filed a report after an incident, though Whitman's wife did not.)

New gun laws, no matter how well written and reformed, will not stop gun violence. But the right legislation and proper dialogue on the matter can greatly reduce these killings. We have no right to do little or nothing simply because the problem will never go away. The problem, at its core, is human beings and the evil of which we're capable. But because there is no solution to this does not give us license to be idle, to beat our breasts but do nothing. Mortality itself has no solution, but we still care for our bodies and our health - though with the way we've put off this discussion and dismissed the blood of the victims, our inaction belies that we care for anyone's well-being at all.

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results."

"There is No God, Because Bad Things Happen"

It's going to be a long night. There's a dog in the apartment above me whose owner leaves it alone for extended periods of time, leaving it to whine and cry for the entire complex to hear. I'm not the biggest fan of dogs, but I hate to hear or see any animal in pain. It tears me up inside, like some sort of Achilles' heel in my gut. I've left two messages with the apartment office, and I'm calling the Humane Society when they open in the morning.

This lonesome, tearful dog that no one hears led me to think of those among us who dismiss God because bad things happen and no one seems to care. (I'm not addressing those who say there's no God "because science"; I'm a high school dropout Creationist who takes a lot of psychiatric medication; any scientific diatribe on my part would be absurd; I already know that my baking soda volcano could not compete with Bill Nye's; mine would, at best, look like your mom's drunk boyfriend Randy - the one who listens to the Fabulous Thunderbirds, like a lot - helped me make it after a case of Keystone and a big fat joint; so, my surrender to the Richard Dawkinseses of the world is signed immediately.)

Anyway, I suppose it's a bit facetious and crude for me to describe them as "people who don't believe in God 'because bad things happen.'" It would be more apt to say: they don't believe in God because of centuries of barbaric wars that have left countless dead, mutilated, orphaned, and impoverished, because of millions of Jews gassed and incinerated at the orders of deluded madmen, because of teenage Armenian girls crucified in an attack on their race, because of atomic bombs dropped on Japan, because of children slain in cold blood at their schools, because of politicians void of conscience and full of Christian bunkum, because all these horrors go on day after day and no loving god stops it.

A friend of mine, a Christian indeed, expressed to me his temptation to ask "why bother believing in God?" and doing good when faced with all of this seemingly unchecked human carnage and gluttony. I likened it to shining light in a very dark place; a single candle is all the more strangely beautiful when it's the only one that flickers in a blackened room. Society, culture, are too far gone, too sick to someday give birth to peace and harmony. If there is intelligent life on planets other than our own, they've long ago made up their minds to stay far away from us, the only race who has an entire genre of jokes called "dead baby jokes."
My mother's favorite song was "What a Wonderful World." Whoever wrote that song was David Spade levels of sarcastic, because it's a horrible world, and it's a dirty lie to tell people anything different. But, although society is screwed, you and I have responsibilities as individuals to do good. As odd as it sounds, we can have wonderful lives in a horrible world. We have been given a duty to shine light for those who are in too much pain to give a toss about our existential crisis; people who are too hungry, their legs too ridden with Khe Sanh shrapnel, their tent cities taken down by heartless city ordinances, to give a second thought to Nietzsche vs. Lewis. They're too busy throwing up and struggling to breathe.

That's who you and I should be helping. The human race will never turn itself into a legion of light. So you and I have to be the tiny candles in the countless darkened rooms of the world.

It's easy for me to say that in an abstract and broad manner of speaking. But what about when those individuals, those children who could grow up to help just one person, become prey not to the twisted human race, but to one twisted human - who God did not stop?

I can give you the perfect example. This is a true story. It's the worst thing I've ever heard in my life. My head has been buried in books about serial killers, cannibals, wars, plagues, corruption, but somehow, this story tops them all. When I read it, I was completely numbed; I'd never heard anything like it before. Imagine a little girl in 1975. Her name was Suzanne. Her mother's new husband was Franklin Floyd, a career criminal who'd been convicted of child molestation. One day, Floyd disappeared with his four new step-children - Suzanne, her two younger sisters, and an infant brother named Philip. The two sisters were later found to have been dropped off at a church; the fate of the infant Philip remains unknown to this day. Their mother tried to file kidnapping charges, but officials told her that because he was their stepfather, Franklin Floyd had a legal right to take them.
Franklin Floyd and young Suzanne wound up in Oklahoma, Texas, Georgia, and Florida, with Floyd raising her and passing her off as his daughter "Sharon," and sexually abusing her the entire time, even documenting it with photos that were found later. By 1990, Suzanne was going by the alias "Tonya" and, once again relocated, was now being passed off as Floyd's wife, and working as a stripper. She gave birth to a son named Michael. Not long after, she decided to run away with a young man she'd been seeing. But before she could, she was killed, just 21 years old, the victim of an apparent hit-and-run. Floyd was the main suspect; he was also the main suspect in the murder of a coworker of Suzanne's a year earlier.
After Suzanne's murder, Floyd put her son Michael into foster care and fled again. During one family's adoption process, it was determined that Michael was not Floyd's biological son with his stepdaughter. This prevented Floyd from legally reclaiming custody of the child in 1994. So he kidnapped Michael at gunpoint from his school and disappeared with him. The boy's whereabouts, or remains, have never been determined. Floyd has given many different statements as to what happened to the child, though as recently as 2015, he admitted to killing him.

God did not rescue Suzanne, Michael, or Philip.

Franklin Floyd, now 74, is currently on death row in Florida.

If there was ever a story that could make someone question God, to ask Him why, to even demand an answer and accuse God of wrong, as Job did, that's the one.

But first, my question to those whose disbelief and disdain for God is based on the suffering in the world, is: on what are you basing your criteria?
Why is God obligated to rescue from hardship? To whom has He made that promise? Why does the genuineness of His love depend on how much or how little pain He allows you to experience?
If one's perception or idea of God is not based on any specific text or doctrine, then those expectations of God are arbitrary and self-concocted - they mean nothing. They're an incomplete contract, written and agreed upon by only one party. If I decided that you are, because I say so, obligated to give me half of your weekly earnings, and you have not agreed to this, what wrong do you do by withholding money from me? What contract have you broken? What hate have you shown me? What right have I to call you evil, let alone declare you to be non-existent because of rules devised by me and me alone?

But, let's suppose one's ideas of God have been built on the Christian Bible. (I don't speak for any other God - there are a wealth of deities, spirits, constellations, trees, goats, fairies, and dictators worshiped in the world, and they're none of my business. But I do speak for the one true God. "What blithering madman is this who claims to be a spokesman for God?"
"the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy." -Revelation 19:10.
Christians are called to be about our Father's business.)

From the Bible, one can gather no other portrait of life on Earth than that of an ugly, uncaring, unfeeling world where murderers and thieves are rampant, liars who aid them are abundant, and the cries of those who have been hurt by them seem to fall on deaf ears. The very authors of this Book we came to call the Holy Scriptures complained in howls of bone-chilling agony of the very same things of which we complain - we, who declare God to be a myth because none of us is placed in cosmic bubble wrap.
Even if one uses the Bible as evidence against the God it proclaims, our accusations come to nothing and our own words become a snare to our case, for in it we'll not find that God has promised deliverance for every person from every trial; He has not even reserved special exceptions for the most wonderful people from the most gut-wrenching trials.

God has promised us nothing as it relates to deliverance from the never-ending suffering on this planet. He promises us strength and bravery and the guts to love in the midst of such ugliness, but not deliverance. (Though, being that some would attribute faith and hope and love to mere madness and "viruses of the mind," as Dawkins coined, insanity is a deliverance to some extent.)
What kind of pitiful, pathetic existence we would live if we were exempt and immune from the violence and the slander of this world. Life would be an episode of the Teletubbies and God would be an absentee landlord who couldn't care less about the unfolding of the story of His people and His creation. It wouldn't be a story worth telling.
I'd rather be in danger in a real world than catatonic in a fairy tale world. I have more peace knowing I'm prone to murder, to a tire iron striking the back of my skull for the $17 in my wallet, a menial and unimpressive end, than in a life where I don't have to choose love, to choose to do right. What miserable deeds would our "good deeds" be if they were robotic and compulsive, rather than borne of the choice and the struggle to love and overcome hate and the spewing of venom so that light may prevail.

Gloria Copeland (bluh) was in the news recently for claiming, "If you have Jesus, you don't need a flu shot." Mrs. Copeland does not speak a Biblical truth. Contrary to the prosperity peddling of the Joel Osteens of the world, Jesus did not die to keep you free from ailments; He died to give you eternal life that outlasts a fallen world's mortality, to be a Light in you that outshines the darkness that does not comprehend Him. His blood was shed so that we could be made anew and forgiven for the wretched things we do, things that make the world such a dark place, ugly things we choose to do, just like the killers and politicians, and blame them on an absence of God.
God does not promise us carefree or pain-free lives (if that can be called living). Rather, God promises us eternal life through His Son Jesus, who was abandoned on the cross by the same God we accuse of apathy, all to give us life - not mere existence - peace and joy in His life, His suffering, and in His resurrection. And that life outshines all of the darkness of mere existence. 
Life hurts, but it's worth it. Existence is fleeting. Life is eternal.

If all of that truth meets your ire and disgust, then maybe this God isn't the God for you. I know that sounds pessimistic on my part, and I'd give anything for just one person to believe, but what else can I say? Should I blaspheme and make false promises to you on God's behalf of a life of sunsets and puppies? Should I burst out in tears and beg you to believe in Him? Should I stay up nights highlighting the best Ravi Zacharias quotes? Believe me, if I thought it would bring you to Jesus Christ, I'd carve my prayers for you in the skin of my forearms. But I know it wouldn't lead you to believe. Nothing I can do or say can make a believer in Christ. To think such would be vanity and idolatry. That's a matter between you and the Holy Spirit. My raving about darkness and light is to you like Samson dancing blind before the Philistines. God didn't put me here to serve apologetic theology.

Why, then, did He put me here? To glorify Him, surely, but what else? Who knows? Maybe to be murdered. As grim as that sounds, it is not absurd to think that maybe God has pre-ordained that someday I'll be murdered. Maybe He's used my suffering in the years leading up to my death to soften my heart for the moments after I'm struck, so that I can gasp to my killer that I forgive him as I collapse in a pool of blood. Even if my dying forgiveness did nothing for the killer's repentance and rehabilitation, but fell on a stony heart.
If that's the case, so be it - God owes me no explanation. He owes me no deliverance. He owes me no eternal life, but in His love and grace, and in His own unimaginable suffering on the cross, eternal life has been given to me. And He's given me the audacity, the nerve, the guts to believe.

But before I meet my end by blunt force trauma to the head during a petty robbery, I've got a dog to help.

-with love and anger,
Bud.

"But for him who is joined to all the living there is hope, for a living dog is better than a dead lion." -Ecclesiastes 9:4