Poem: "A Lily Among Thorns"

Written in 2013 for a woman with whom I was in love. Though I long ago fell (or grew) out of love with her, when I rediscovered this piece of strained melodramatics I realized there are bits of this and that, that I rather like. Except, I hope never to feel "unworthy" to talk to someone - anyone - ever again.

 

“A Lily Among Thorns”

In a dream,

as all poems begin it seems,

I saw chains on every brilliant thought,

every one-liner and wonderful remark

I saw men and women who had made me laugh,

made me stop to think 

like Augustus Caesar in the dark –

Their memory all bound to some ugly thing,

some kind of hackneyed pain

The kind that surrounds a joke

told by someone lost but not forgotten,

the kind found in sappy poems full of hope

I saw Heath Ledger being carried to eternity

I saw Lenin and Lennon scoffing

I saw John Belushi fading away

down in West L.A.

I tried to awake, I wanted to go home

but somebody grabbed my arm –

Belushi himself in a bumble-bee robe

I spoke to Belushi’s ghost,

“Belushi, you’ve shown me only malice,

greed, apathy!

Depressing haunts swirling around what

should cheer me most

Belushi I beg you, show me some tenderness,

some depth of feeling,

preferably in green or blue eyes

with no venom in its smile

and no vengeance in its wit,

a beautiful mind with no bitterness or guile”

He raised his brow and pointed to you,

like Gettysburg eclipsing Waterloo,

like a sudden burst of laughter from those

who mourn,

like a lily among the thorns

You’re a duchess with hands covered in paint

You’re a bringer of good tidings 

from days of yore,

a contrast to my raving complaint

You’re the one in the bookstore,

un-abridging the abridged Gaston Leroux

And I’m leafing through Louis L'Amour,

unworthy to say Wordsworth to you

from the book Amen, Bad Luck To You

Love is a Battlefield

A brokenhearted friend once told me in his frustration that the feeling of love is merely a chemical process in the brain and the rest of the body. Mere physiology, or some other technical mumbo jumbo. I hoped he didn't truly believe this: 

If love is a mere chemical process, then so is hate, and therefore hate should not be taken any more seriously than love. It could even be excused. And if those things are only medical goings-on, so are empathy, compassion, and the outrage against injustice that causes so many brave people to speak out against it. 

Every stand of bravery would be meaningless.

[James 1:17] 

Cpt. Bud's Devotionals, 9-13-15: "Am I Right, Fellas?!"

Last week, I became enamored with the new lady who works in my apartment's office. She's one of the loveliest dames I've ever seen, and makes Rebel Wilson - the most beautiful woman in Hollywood - look like Ron Perlman. I declared to my friends that the mystery lady and I would surely someday be married...I didn't know her name - I assumed I'd probably see it when we signed the paperwork at the Justice of the Peace. Ever since that gorgeous new lady began working in the apartment office, I found any excuse I could to go and see her: I took a croquet mallet to my walls just so I could go to the office to report the damage, and I even pretended I couldn't read or write, so she'd fill out my checks for me.

But I was soon convicted by the Holy Spirit, who once spoke through my brother in Christ, Andrew, who has often discussed his own struggle with the carnal mindset. Andrew once said that, as Christians, men should look at women not as their next potential love interest, but as sisters. Andrew was absolutely right. If we Christian men don't see our sisters in God in this way, or if we don't see unsaved women as potential sisters rather than potential girlfriends, our understandings of the Holy Spirit's instructions to the Church through Scripture have grown dim.

My mistake with women, emotionally speaking (never mind the fleshly lusts), has always been getting too attached to them within an extremely short time of meeting them. As evidenced with the apartment office mystery lady, I see a future that usually won't come to be, and my disillusionment is nobody's fault but mine. When it comes to the ladies, we men-folk should see ourselves as their brothers, their fellow saints in Christ, their teachers, their students, their protectors, their friends, as surely Christian women should see their male counterparts. And when it comes to the unsaved dames, we must see them as we see any unsaved person - someone to love in a Christlike manner, someone to whom to witness, to bless, someone for whom to sacrifice of ourselves so that maybe they would be led to believe in the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

If we don't see women - sisters in Christ or daughters of the world - in this way, we objectify them. And when they reject us, turn us down for dinner at Outback Steakhouse, or don't reciprocate our gooey, mushy, crushy feelings, we scoff at them to hide the pain, saying things like, "If that chick don't wanna know, forget her! Dames...am I right, fellas?!"
And what an abundant chance to show love has been lost.
Should we fall in love with a woman, that's beautiful. But, after prayer and discernment, when we know it's right to pursue a relationship, let us keep her exalted as a sister in Christ until she becomes a girlfriend, and after. This is how we can keep our relationship with her, whether it be platonic or romantic, in a godly perspective - if we continue to see her as our sister, bound by the precious Blood of the Lamb, we approach and react to every disappointment and every delight in a way that is fitting for the saints: patiently, with wisdom and edification. For there is "neither male nor female," but we are all one in Christ Jesus.
OHMS,
Cpt. Bud Sturguess
"For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life." -Galatians 6:8

"Young women of Jerusalem, promise me by the power of deer and gazelles never to awaken love before it is ready." -Song of Solomon 8:4 (CEV)

Cpt. Bud's Devotionals, 8-9-15: "What a Load of Behemoth Crap"

When I was a teenage girl, life was sure hard. The other girls made fun of me because of my thick facial stubble, and because I was a dude. But what made it most confusing and frustrating were promises from people claiming God, but not Scripture - people, maybe well-meaning, who promised romance for everyone. They'd post things like, "When someone lets you down, don't worry - God is saying, 'I'm saving this one for someone special.'"
When I grew up and became a man, I learned that this was a load of Behemoth crap, and that romance is not a Biblical promise. Even if you don't believe in the word of God, you must admit that the notion of "someone for everyone" is unrealistic mathematically, statistically, circumstantially, and environmentally. But for those of us who do believe, we must not only consider those things, but also, nowhere in the Bible does God promise a husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend, for all believers. Our soul mate is Jesus - I found out the hard way that a true soul mate will give His body and blood as a ransom for your sins, rather than run you over with their Dodge Durango because they've had a few too many Jack Daniels Cactus Kickers. There's nothing wrong with wanting to find someone, or even looking - but we often make it an idol and place it before Jesus.
The "someone" on this earth that Jesus is saving all of us for, single or otherwise, is the wandering friend or stranger who has not heard the Gospel, the aching belly that hungers, the lonely soul that needs an ear to listen.
OHMS,
Cpt. Bud Sturguess

"The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer;
My God, my strength, in whom I will trust;
My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold."
-Psalm 18:2
"For I, the LORD your God, will hold your right hand,
Saying to you, 'Fear not, I will help you.'"
-Isaiah 41:13